


Five Times Stephen Should Have Told Nick the Truth and the One Time He Finally Did

by Joe_Reaves



Category: Primeval
Genre: 5 Things, M/M, Pre-Canon, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-04-11
Updated: 2010-04-11
Packaged: 2017-10-08 21:01:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/79480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Joe_Reaves/pseuds/Joe_Reaves
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Does exactly what the title says :D Scenes from Stephen's life from the affair until the present day.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Five Times Stephen Should Have Told Nick the Truth and the One Time He Finally Did

February 1999

He'd known immediately that it had been a mistake. Partly because the sex with Helen hadn't been all that much to write home about. It had been a quickie in her office, followed by two rushed encounters at her place when Nick had been in meetings with the Dean. He knew it had been a stupid thing to do, apart from anything else she was his tutor and they were going to have to keep working together now it was over.

That's what he'd thought they were doing when it happened. They'd been in her office and he'd been showing her the data he was using for his thesis. She'd put her hand on his shoulder and bent over, supposedly to see the screen better, but her breasts had practically been in his face and he couldn't help but look. She'd smiled at him and then moved even closer and before he'd known what was happening she'd been kissing him. Kissing had led to touching and the next thing he'd known she'd had his trousers undone and was rolling a condom onto him.

He wasn't a fan of rushed sex, but they'd been in her office so of course it had had to be fast.

When she'd invited him over the next night, allegedly to study, he'd thought it would be different, that he'd be able to explore her body and that she'd want to return the favour. Instead there had been another hard and fast fuck, this time on the dining room table, and by the time Nick had got home an hour later they were working on his thesis again, a picture of innocence.

The third time had definitely been a triumph of hope over experience. He'd even bought her flowers. She'd kissed his cheek and told him he was sweet but he hadn't been able to get over the feeling that she was mocking him. Later he'd tried to make the sex last longer but she'd laughed and told him she wasn't looking for romance – she had her husband for that. He'd left as soon as they were done, but now he didn't know what to do.

He could go to the department head of course and tell him everything, get himself assigned to a new tutor … but unfortunately, his department head was the man whose wife he'd just had sex with.

He found himself in the library, hiding in a dark corner and pretending to study. He was so engrossed in the pretence that he didn't realise he wasn't alone until the table wobbled and he looked up to find Nick perching on the edge of it.

"Dr Cutter." He swallowed heavily. Maybe this was an omen that he should just tell the man what had happened and deal with the consequences.

"You look like you lost a pound and found a penny. Do you want to talk about it?"

\-----

 

April 1999

He'd only learnt that Helen was missing when he'd turned up for a meeting with her and found her office locked up tight. He'd considered that maybe she was doing it on purpose just to annoy him. Since he'd stopped sleeping with her she'd started picking fault with his thesis, really nitpicking it and rubbishing his arguments. He'd never tell her but he thought his thesis might actually end up better for it. Assuming she didn't just mark it down out of spite, he thought he might end up with a distinction.

She'd never missed a meeting though. She would rearrange them at the last minute occasionally. He wasn't sure if that was just to annoy him or if it was because of whatever it was that kept taking her to the Forest of Dean and annoying him was just an added benefit.

Asking around had led to him sitting in an interview room at the local police station, confessing the affair to a total stranger. He thought he might have been a suspect briefly, but the affair had ended weeks ago and anyway Helen's car had been found in the Forest of Dean, which was where she'd told Nick she would be.

When they let him go he started walking. He'd meant to head home, across campus, but instead he found himself outside Nick's home. Helen's home. He wasn't sure which one he was hoping to see. Maybe Helen would walk out of the front door and it would all turn out to be a mistake...

Instead he found himself ringing the bell and waiting for her husband to open the door. The other man looked like hell, he obviously hadn't shaved in a couple of days, his eyes had dark shadows under them, and there was a strong smell of whisky on his breath.

Stephen hid a gasp, but from the look in Nick's eyes his shock had been evident anyway. Suddenly, he felt like shit. Nick obviously loved Helen very much if he was taking her disappearance this badly. Would it make him feel better if Stephen shared his theory that she'd run off with another man rather than having been kidnapped or killed? But if he did he'd have to explain why he was making that accusation. Maybe this was the right moment to tell Nick about the affair; by the looks of it he couldn't make the other man feel any worse than he already did anyway.

"I heard about Helen," Stephen found himself saying, without knowing where exactly the words were coming from. "Why don't I make you some coffee while you take a shower. You'll feel better with clean clothes and some food inside you." He gave Nick a small smile. "I make a mean bacon butty."

\-----

 

August 1999

Stephen stretched out on his sleeping bag, watching with a smile as Nick wrestled with a map that was too big for the tent. Out of self-defence he grabbed one edge and folded it over.

"I thought today went quite well," he said. "We're ahead of where we wanted to be, so we should reach the main camp by lunchtime tomorrow. We haven't lost any of the students, although I did consider dropping a couple of them in the river when they wouldn't listen to a thing I said." He grinned and Nick chuckled.

"I would have looked the other way. But you got them to stop mucking about and follow orders. You'd make a good teacher. You should look into trying for a PhD."

Stephen shook his head. "I've done enough studying for now. I want to look into some environmental or conservation work. I just need a flexible job to fit around the field trips so that I don't end up homeless in between expeditions."

Nick smiled. "Well I can certainly see the attraction in spending more time out here and less time cooped up in a musty library, but it would be a pity if you never got back to your PhD. I was rather hoping one day to be able to point to Professor Hart and say 'he used to be one of my students'."

Stephen blushed and ducked his head, unused to having someone have such obvious faith in him. "Maybe. Some time in the future."

"Okay, I'll stop pushing. For now." Nick grinned at him. "So what kind of job are you looking for alongside your conservation projects?"

Stephen shrugged. "I don't know. Something flexible, preferably something to do with zoology, but I'll take anything. It'll only be to pay the rent between trips. I got an offer to sign up with a couple of groups that do conservation work. There's a project in the rainforest, tracking and tagging jaguars, and then something similar with wolves in North America. I can always get a job at McDonalds if I have to."

He wriggled around to get more comfortable, pillowing his head on his arms and watching Nick through his lashes. In the last year they'd become friends and he was going to miss the other man when he left the university after they got home from this trip. He was still debating telling Nick the truth about Helen, but he hadn't managed to find the courage yet.

Nick folded the map up and put it away. "I do have one suggestion." He stretched out on his own sleeping bag and rolled onto his side to look at Stephen. "You could come and work with me. I need a research assistant and you'd have plenty of time during the holidays to work on the projects you're interested in."

Stephen stared at him in surprise and then smiled slowly. It seemed like Nick was going to miss him too – why else would he offer him a job? He looked down at his hands and thought about it. If he was going to be working with Nick every day then he really needed to tell him about the affair. He couldn't leave it as some deep dark secret between them.

"Well?" Nick asked. "What do you think?"

\-----

 

May 2001

When he got into the office in the morning Nick was already there. That was unusual. Unless they were on an expedition somewhere, Nick Cutter didn't do mornings. Oh he'd be in the office by 9am, unless he had somewhere else to be, but he didn't like it and he would never be there a moment earlier.

Stephen made an elaborate point of checking his watch. "Did the clocks go back last night?" he teased. "I must be late if you're already here."

Nick rolled his eyes. "You know, you really should take your act on the road," he joked, but his smile didn't reach his eyes.

Stephen wasn't sure what was wrong, but he did know that asking Nick straight out what the matter was, was not going to work. Instead he hung his jacket up and headed into the kitchen to make them both a cup of tea, strong, with just a dash of milk, and two sugars. Just the way Nick liked it.

Coming back into the office he put one of the mugs in front of Nick and then perched on the edge of the desk, cradling his own in his hands. "Couldn't sleep last night?"

Nick took a sip of the tea before sighing and leaning back in his chair. "You know Helen's parents have been trying to get me to ask for an inquest and have Helen formally presumed dead?"

Stephen couldn't help the tightening of his chest at the words. Every time Helen's name came up he had to fight the urge to run away and hide, convinced he would one day do something to give it all away... "Yeah," he said, his voice a little more strangled than he wanted it to be. "You said you didn't want an inquest, no matter how much simpler it might make things. You said you didn't believe she was dead."

"I still don't, but right now things are difficult – like the house. I wanted to renegotiate the mortgage but I need Helen's permission." He opened a drawer in his desk and pulled a sheaf of papers out. "My solicitor suggested this and he's been working on it for me for the last few months. He called yesterday to say all it needed was my signature on the papers ..."

Stephen picked them up and started to read, aware that whatever it was Nick wasn't going to be able to go into any more detail than he already had. He had to read the covering letter twice before he really understood what it was that he was reading. He swallowed hard before managing to find his voice again. "You're getting divorced?"

Nick forced a smile. "On the grounds of desertion. I don't know how I feel about that but it seemed like the easiest solution. I just wish I knew why she vanished. Did something happen to her or did she just leave?" He took another mouthful of the tea. "I know we had problems, but I didn't think they were any more than any normal couple had. It's not like either of us were running around with someone else."

Stephen choked on his tea, sloshing it everywhere. It wasn't until Nick came around and banged him on the back that he managed to get his breath back.

"Are you okay?" Nick asked. "What brought that on?"

\-----

 

January 2007

Stephen sat in his darkened living room, staring morosely at a glass of whisky. He couldn't quite bring himself to pray that she was dead, like the skeleton Nick had found, but the thought of her coming back, after all this time, terrified him – far more than the gorgonopsid had.

He took a mouthful of the liquid and swallowed it with a grimace. He wasn't really a fan of whisky, that was Nick's drink, but it had seemed appropriate. His heart wasn't really in getting drunk, though.

He had to decide what he was going to do and what today's events meant. Had Helen been trapped in the past? Her camera didn't seem to support that - she'd looked happy in those pictures, relaxed even. So did that mean she'd known about the anomalies? Was that what she'd been researching all along in the Forest of Dean? She'd certainly been very secretive about her work. At the time he'd thought that it was just that she wasn't telling him, but over the course of the last eight years he'd realised Nick hadn't known any more than he had.

He dropped his head into his hands. What had possessed him to go to the Forest of Dean in the first place? He could have talked Nick out of it if he'd really wanted to and maybe that would have been better. But despite the risks of Nick discovering his secret, he really did want the other man to get his answers. He knew how much the strain of not knowing weighed on Nick.

Groaning, he leant backwards, resting his head on the back of the couch. And that was the whole crux of his problem. He wanted Nick to be happy, would do anything he could to achieve that. Even if it meant Nick found out about the affair and fired him. Fuck. What the hell was he going to do?

The phone rang and he jumped. He reached out to grab it with an irritated curse, directed both at the phone for interrupting his pity party and at himself for being so easily startled.

"Nick?" He listened in horror as the other man told him what had happened after he'd left him at the university. Typical Helen, she couldn't even reappear like a normal person. Instead she had to leave little gifts and tease Nick with just enough of a sight of her to get his hopes up again. He'd changed his mind – he really did wish she was dead now. How could she treat Nick like that when he'd never done anything to deserve it?

He swallowed hard. If she was playing games like this surely it was only a matter of time before she told Nick the truth. He forced himself to sound as normal as he could, just concerned for a friend and not on the verge of panic. "Let me grab my keys and I'll be right over," he said. Maybe this time he'd find the courage to be honest.

\-----

 

February 2007

Lying in a hospital bed gives you a lot of time to think. In fact there's not much to do other than think. So by the time Stephen was finally allowed to go home, he'd come to a decision. He had to tell Nick about the affair. If he didn't, Helen would and even if it meant Nick never talked to him again he wasn't going to let Helen use it to try and manipulate Nick. The other man deserved better than that. He'd always deserved better, but Stephen had chickened out every time the chance had come up to confess, pretending that he was doing it to protect Nick, when really he was protecting himself.

Unfortunately, a series of anomalies intervened and it wasn't until much later that he could go through with his resolution and by then Nick had almost drowned and Helen was in custody. The venomous look she'd shot both of them definitely made him think he'd made the right decision, though.

During the drive back to Nick's place, he kept shooting worried glances at the other man. Nick had refused to go to the hospital to be checked out, even though he hadn't been breathing when they'd pulled him back through the anomaly. Stephen wasn't really surprised by that, if there was one thing you could put money on, it was that Nick Cutter would be stubborn when it came to his health or anything else for that matter.

"Why don't you go and get changed into something more comfortable and then curl up on the couch?" he suggested once they were inside. "You're still shivering slightly. Wrap up in a blanket or something while I make tea."

The fact that Nick went quietly worried Stephen even more. He wasn't sure what it was that was bothering Nick the most – his near-death experience or whatever had happened with Helen through the anomaly. He put the mug down heavily, his hand shaking slightly. What if she'd already told him? What if he'd left it too late to be honest with the other man?

"Stephen?" Nick's voice was scratchy and Stephen idly thought that maybe he should make the tea with honey instead of milk.

He looked up and smiled. Nick was leaning in the doorway, wrapped up in an old pair of flannel pyjamas. He looked cute, not that Stephen was going to tell him that. "I'll just finish making this and bring it in. Go and sit down," he said, trying to sound more confident than he felt.

"Are you sure you're all right?" Nick asked. "You were lost in thought."

"I'm fine. Now get on with you. I'll be with you in a minute. I'll even put a shot of whisky in yours if you're good."

Stephen turned back to the tea, concentrating on what he was doing. He was well aware that he was just trying to delay the inevitable but he didn't know what else to do. He liked his life as it was and as soon as he told Nick the truth he was going to lose all of that. His best friend wasn't going to be talking to him, he'd need to find a new job …. Maybe he'd just make a clean break and move away? He could take up his work in the rainforest again – he'd stopped going on expeditions in the last few years, concentrating on his work with Nick instead.

Picking up the steaming mugs he headed back into the living room, smiling when he saw that Nick had followed his advice and wrapped himself up in the blanket that normally lived on the back of the couch. He handed Nick one of the mugs before putting his own on the mantelpiece. He doubted he'd have time to drink his anyway.

"Nick, I ..." He swallowed hard. "There's something I need to tell you and you''re going to hate me and be angry and that's okay, I deserve it." He looked down at the floor, his chest tight as he forced the words out. "I just want you to know I'm really sorry and I can't pretend I haven't had chances to tell you before but I always chickened out and pretended it was for your own good."

"Stephen..." Nick started, leaning forwards and looking concerned.

"No," Stephen interrupted. "Please, let me finish or I won't be able to do it." He took a deep breath and then looked back up. Nick deserved to have him looking him in the eye for this. "A few weeks before she left Helen and I had an affair … well I don't know if it really qualifies as an affair, it was just sex. I... we slept together and I'm sorry."

Nick recoiled, his face crumpling into a mass of misery and Stephen had to look away. "Why tell me now?"

"Because if I don't then Helen will. She's already trying to manipulate you and you deserve better." He risked another quick look up at Nick's face. "I'm sorry, Nick. I never wanted to hurt you." He started walking towards the door. "I'll clear my desk out tomorrow while you're at the Home Office unless you want me to stay until the end of the term." Already he was planning what he'd need to do to be able to sign on for one of the many conservation expeditions that would be taking place over the summer. Hopefully he could sublet the flat and put his stuff in storage. It was too late to get another academic job between now and then, so maybe he really would end up working in McDonalds like he'd joked so long ago.

 

"Wait!"

 

Stephen stopped and then turned around slowly. He held his hands by his sides, even though he was half expecting a physical attack. Nick deserved at least one free shot after he'd lied to him for eight years. Looking at Nick, he was surprised to see that the other man didn't seem angry – just hurt, and somehow that was worse.

"How long did it last?" Nick asked him sadly.

Stephen looked down again. "It was three times, Nick, that's all. And it didn't mean anything, not to Helen anyway."

"But it did to you?" Nick's voice was soft and almost encouraging.

"I was young and stupid and I thought I was falling in love." His lips twisted in disgust at his own behaviour. "She made it very clear all she was looking for was sex. She told me if she'd wanted romance, she had you for that. I'm sorry. I knew she was married and being young isn't an excuse."

"I wondered," Nick said quietly. "I thought it was possible she was having an affair and you'd been spending a lot of time around here and then suddenly you stopped coming. I thought maybe something had happened but I didn't want to get involved."

Stephen shoved his hands into his pockets. "I kept trying to tell you, but every time I had a chance I chickened out. I didn't want to hurt you and I didn't want you to end up hating me."

Nick took a long, slow breath. "I don't hate you, Stephen. I know what Helen is like when she wants something and you were little more than a kid. I want to say that I wish you'd told me back then, but if you had then maybe we might not have become friends."

Stephen risked another look up at him. "Does that mean that you'll let me stay around and try to earn your trust again?" he asked hopefully.

"Do you want to? I can't promise that everything will just go back to the way it was before."

"I want to try," Stephen said. "And I want to be there to watch your back, especially with Helen around. I don't want her to hurt you again."

"She said she didn't tell me because I would have wanted to tell everyone about the anomalies. She just wants to explore them and keep all that knowledge to herself. She said I should have got over her." He smiled coldly. "I didn't bother to tell her that we'd been divorced for six years and that the only reason I'd spent eight years obsessing over her disappearance was because I needed some answers. I have them now."

"I know I'm not in any position to ask for anything from you, but please let me be there when you tell her that."

Nick laughed and then tilted his head curiously. "So what was all that rubbish you were spewing earlier about going through an anomaly to look for her, that if she was your wife you'd do whatever you had to to find her."

Stephen shrugged. "I thought it was what you needed to hear. I thought you still loved her and I didn't want you to regret missing the chance to find her just because you were being stubborn and didn't want to play her game."

"Ah, you really are an idiot sometimes, Stephen. I'm not pining for Helen and I bet even young Connor could have told you that. Go on, get out of here and go home, you're not long out of the hospital and you need your rest. I'll see you at the Home Office tomorrow, bright and early. Lester's going to interrogate Helen and we need to be there in case she says anything about the anomalies and what we can expect next." Nick smiled a little shakily. "I'm not saying it'll be easy to get past what happened with you and Helen but you've finally told me the truth and that's the important thing. She can't use it against either of us now."

Stephen could barely believe that Nick was willing to try and work things out between them. "Thank you," he said sincerely. "I won't let you down again, Nick. I promise."

Nick shook his head. "The last couple of days have proved that life is too short to waste. Just keep saving my arse and teaching my classes and things will eventually get back to normal." He paused. "Well, as normal as it can be when we're chasing dinosaurs all over southern England anyway."

Stephen smiled back tentatively. Maybe he'd picked the right moment to come clean after all.


End file.
